it’s been a quiet few weeks, i tell you. on december 26th i entered a 10 day silent vipassana meditation retreat held in MA and i emerged on january 7th to a new year and dare i say it? a new me.
to be honest, i was as apprehensive as all get out pre-retreat, practically in a frenzy of fear, but i felt a deep curiosity about what could come of 10 days of meditation and silence – i couldn’t resist the urge to push all my limits and if anything recoup a little bit of peace, harmony and balance in my life. the light vegetarian fare (only fruit for dinner!), rigorous schedule of 4am – 9pm each day and co-habitating with three roommates combined with the silence and 8 hours a day of vipassana mediation rocked the foundation of my world. this amalgamation of circumstances over many days gave way to something so fundamental, yet so out of reach in my “normal” life – the ability to cut the shit and let things be. for once, there was no escape, no where to turn but inward and explore what was on my plate. and what a plate it is…have you ever been to one of those scary all-you-can-eat buffets and witnessed people piling the craziest foods in massive quantities on their plate from jello to egg rolls? what can i say, this is my mind. and all the gabbing, babbling, buzzing, yipping and yapping from my mind has been eating away at my soul. until this retreat, i didn’t realize i was short changing myself of happiness, calm and joy because each and every moment i am actually pining for everything else except the moment that is at hand. i have been rushing past so many moments of my life, just trying to get to the next euphoric thing, but with this mentality i realized i have been missing and passing over my life. it became very clear and i sort of feel like a coma victim coming out of the haze. the shiniest gem i gleaned from the retreat is a new awareness of the greatest and most soothing gift of all: presence. now it is my mission to cultivate and embrace this presence, as i make my way through the real world and my mind is back on full blast…i’ll keep you posted! in case you are interested in your own karmic investigation, there are retreats all over the world: http://www.dhamma.org/.
happy 2009, i am happy you’re here with me. eco-chic peace! xoxo, jenny